Sanitarium

• 11:01 Just took my 83rd mugshot! www.dailymugshot.com/main/show/16229 #
• 00:40 The truth of the matter is... my body looks much more cut when I manscape. #

• 10:35 The time is right for the world to focus on Compassion. Join me in affirming the Charter. bit.ly/1MnXr1 #

Originally published at sk4p.net. You can comment here or there.

Altar: Almost done.  Been rubbing coats of tung oil on it every couple of days.  It takes a while to dry, but it’s worth it!

Pentacle: Just like the altar, almost done.  Simply getting coats of oil to protect and beautify.  Then, like the other elemental tools, it will be consecrated.

Wand: Getting there.  I decided on a nifty and symbolic design for the wand which will merit a post of its own in the near future, or probably paired up with the athame.  It’s nearly completed; it, too, has been waiting for tung oil to dry.

Robes: After the wooden tools above are done, I’ll be using the space they’re in now to lay out the fabric and make my white robe.  When I decide to do it, it won’t take too long.  The black robe will involve buying fabric which I’ve not yet done.

Sword: I have a cheapo-repro sword whose furniture I was considering fixing, but the time/effort at this point seems a bit dubious.  May simply purchase a suitable one down the road.

Lamen, lamp, mirror, scrying crystal, staff, stylus: Basically not touched yet.

So, progress!

Originally published at sk4p.net. You can comment here or there.

Athame: I took my Fairbairn-Sykes knife and transformed it.  This is going to get a post of its own in the near future.  It is nearly done; the last step is just to engrave my sigil upon it and consecrate it.

Bell: Done (in previous post).

Candleholders: Done (as seen here previously).

Censer: Done.

Chalice: Stainless steel wine goblet obtained.  Simple and clean.  Perfect.  Like athame, just needs a sigil inscribed and to be consecrated.

Coins: Got four bronze Chinese coins for Yi Jing divination.  Done.

Pen: Got an old-style nib and nib holder with a bottle of ink in which it must be dipped, and began learning to use it competently.  Actually used the other day to draw an Abramelin square talisman for a friend.  So Pen is done.

Tarot Deck: Done.

• 19:38 Trying to teach my nephew about "catch-and-release" Lizard Hunting: ow.ly/Bvkc #
• 01:42 Awesome "Know your Meme - Autotune " with @kenyatta & Weird Al! bit.ly/J3gp8 #

Originally published at sk4p.net. You can comment here or there.

Clearly this is just a bad day for bigotry and intolerance getting to me.  I’ve been up for 2 hours and people have triggered me three times.  WTF?

Originally published at sk4p.net. You can comment here or there.

Reading the news only makes me angry.  I’ve been slacking lately on my choice not to read it and it’s not paying off.  I’m very very bad at controlling my temper when I read the latest bit of bigotry in the morning, and it makes me turn into Crowley in Eight Lectures on Yoga (”The Christians to the lions!” “To hell with the church!”)

I went to a Life Coach.

During our first hour, I was shocked how often I said the phrase,
“I do not deserve…”
“I am unqualified…”
“I don’t feel entitled to…”

My coach said that was the voice of my “Saboteur.”

This feeling of being unworthy is why I have worked to be a big fish in a small pond for most my life.
For years, I was focused on a pretty niche area: Where web technology, sex, and spirituality met.
I worked on Globalgasm – an event that used sexuality as a force to generate love energy and unite people.
I used my own sexuality as a canvas to share ideas.
I believed that I did not deserve to talk about spiritual ideas all by themselves. There are way too many people more qualified than I.
They read more. They study more. They practice more. They meditate more.
In comparison, I simply have no right to be blathering about spiritual topics.
Plus, I like to party, I take medications, I eat processed foods, and am generally not living a life deserving of any emulation from a spiritual seeker.
BUT, if I narrow the realm into something much more niche-specific – say “Spirituality at Burning Man” – or Sex & Spirit – well, that is something I can speak to with authority and without embarrassment.
As far as Burning Man, techno-tribal, neo-hippies go… I *am* a qualified expert.

It is the same reason I relied so heavily on my body & appearance.
There is a 5 year period of time where you would be hard-pressed to find a photo of me with my shirt on.
For some reason, I felt like the higher the charisma, the lower the bar needed to be on the content I shared.

To be fair, I am getting much better.
My attitudes were much worse before my chapter with Grandpa.
Over the last few years, I have built up my confidence and broke down my ego… at least a little bit.
In fact, as I find myself recently single I realized how dramatically my sense of self has changed.
I used to define myself as a sexual being. Whether overtly or subtly, my public self was strengthened by my looks and “mojo.”
Not so much, anymore.
I still feel sexy. But not in the “drool-inducing abs” way. More in an “older Paul Newman” way.
This is a very good thing. As I approach 40, I become more and more aware that the tide of aging will topple any ego built on vanity.

This is an ongoing process that affects many areas of my life. Motivations and patterns crumble and shift – Not always gracefully.
For example, if I no longer care about *looking* good, then I need to shift towards a different motivator for exercising. “Feeling good” is the obvious answer, but it isn’t such an easy switch.
And just because it is something I know I SHOULD do, doesn’t mean I am motivated to do it.
The more I thought about it, the more I became aware of this feeling of, “it’s what I SHOULD do.”

I looked over the list of things I told my Life Coach I wanted to add to my life:
Reading
Writing
Yoga . fitness
Meditation
These were not because I *WANT* to do them… but more that I feel I should. I SHOULD be doing those things if I am to be qualified to speak about Belief Buffet things.
Hmmm.
While it would be great to be doing all those things, it seems ridiculous that I see them as qualifications for speaking my truth.
I had no idea my Saboteur was so strong.
I had no idea so much self-judgment was going on.
Wild.
I still want to pursue a more healthy spiritual and physical path, but I need to add “pursue a healthier self-image,” too.
I must learn to respect my own path, value my perspective, and forgive myself for failing to meet my ideal self-image.
If I can forgive myself in this area, I will be free to connect more deeply to all the people in my life.
Looks like we’ve got a showdown ahead, Mr. Saboteur.
Watch your back.

Originally published at LifeStudent WordPress Hub. You can comment here or there.

• 14:55 I'm broadcasting live @hugnation! chat.hugnation.com #

Originally published at sk4p.net. You can comment here or there.

I’ll keep this short and sweet.

You anti-abortion people can deny women taxpayer money to help pay for abortions.  That’s fine.  Your conscience should not be troubled by your taxes supporting a practice you consider morally wrong.

Provided I get a refund check for my share of the war in Iraq, the war in Afghanistan, military aid to certain countries in that part of the world, and all the tax breaks ever given for SUVs.  And I could go on.

Oh, what?  I don’t get to pick and choose where my tax money goes?

Then neither do you.  Keep your damn religions out of women’s health.

• 18:55 Guess who is the new model for Splat!'s "Pink Fetish" hair color packaging?!? www.splathaircolor.com/kits.html #
• 20:41 @indigothirdeye - LOL "Free Used Area Rugs!" is the new "Free Porn!" #
• 20:45 I was considering getting a new phone, but this old Jedi dude convinced me that "The Droid is not what I'm looking for." #badjoke #
• 22:22 @MetaGrrrl Thank you! Luckily, the pink path is very forgiving. :) #
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• 21:11 Anyone else find twitter @replying to be too public & kinda stressful - but replying to an update on Facebook is not? #
• 21:17 Maybe I'm just @tweet-shy. (Like "pee-shy" but without the urinal.) #
• 22:13 I just found out the World Series is over. Congratulations to all the sporting athletes! #

Originally published at sk4p.net. You can comment here or there.

One tries to avoid the news, and indeed, I read it less than I used to, but damned if I can make myself avoid it altogether.

But once again I wish I had.

Good job, Maine.  Enjoy being on the wrong side of history.

I’ve been studying and contemplating Buddhism a lot more lately and trying to cultivate compassion.  I’m succeeding to a surprising degree.  But all that compassion (”these poor backward anti-gay-rights people are motivated by ignorance and fear, not by actual maliciousness”) is tempered by an almost Thelemic attitude about prevailing over obstacles: “… and if they were shown to their next incarnations sooner rather than later, we’d all be better off.”